Hey.
Anyway I can't post this on my other blog, cause everyone reads the other blog, so my secrets will be in this blog den. Recently, I keep thinking about me and Pz, and how things have changed for the both of us. On the 14th, I just did not feel like staying at home, so I planned to go out. I had asked Melody first, but in the end she din reply, and somehow I ended up askin Ashley. Frankly before we went out that day, I was hoping she would last min cancel, cause I felt wierd going out with her alone, and was afraid that it might end up that we have no topics at all. In the end however, I just went out with her to go Boat Quay cut hair. After tat, we went to TCC to eat cake, and I told her that actually it was because that by right today was supposd to be me and pz 3rd mth but cause we broke up tats why i hv no plans, but I did nt want to go home so early, which was why i wanted to come out. After that we went to amk to have dinner at Astons. During the dinner we talked a lot, and I got to know more about her. Perhaps it was the first impression, that I always felt that she's cute and all, but she seems like the type who's more ATAS. However, from the conversation, I actually found out she's someone who's actually more of a kind that will save a lot of money, and that she doesnt like to spend on expensive stuff. I was quite surprised to find out that she's tat kind of person too. Haha. It was quite fun to chat with her too, and when we left for home, I found myself wanting to go out more with her to know her.
The next day I knew she was going to shop for a present for her friend, and I wanted to go out with her, but I just felt asking if I could tag along, so I asked if she want to go eat ice cream with me. Haha. It kind of worked, but she thought I was emo-ing, that's why she agreed to go out with me, or rather, me tag along while she shops. Haha. Still, I found it a nice experience when shopping with her, and she's really more of a "save-thrift" den a "spend-thrift", taking such a long time to decide on a nice t-shirt which only cost $12. Frankly, I've never known another person like that, who kept thinkin that $12 for a t-shirt is too ex, and kept saying she hardly wears t-shirts. Haha. Usually the girls I know wuldnt mind the cost if its nice, and if they bought it they would surely wear it, and not think if they would have wear it or not. Haha... There's just something about her that's different, but its just hard to explain. Before that I already knew she was a bit of a different girl, she actually playing basketball in her younger years, likes to watch soccer, blur at times, or rather act blur, cute at times, loud most of the times, and very happy-go-lucky. And somehow it all fits the type of girl I always wanted as a gf, but I never really thought of her as a someone I would actually go after cause she just seems to never be able to connect to me. Haha.
Last night, I was still ok, till I reach the pub. We were drinking merrily, and I was always keeping a lookout, just so that she wouldnt hv to drink too much. Me and TT sang a song too, Jay Zhou's An Jing, but when I sang it i guessed i looked very emo, which was why Jess and Ash tot I was emo-ing over Pz. However, something kind of shocked me. Eric started emo-ing after a while, den Ash went to accompany him. Its wierd to say this, but I din expect myself to have this sour feeling when I saw her talking to him alone in the alleyway and asking me to leave them alone first. But what shocked me further was that Ronald overheard their conversation and said that Ash ask Eric why "he rejected her", and soon after Ash started to emo. When I heard that, i tot she liked Eric, and something in me just felt so disappointed. Then, when she was inside the pub, she was emo-ing, she wanted to slp on the sofa, and as i sat beside her watching her tear away, it hurt. Sounds wierd to say this, but it did hurt a bit in my heart. I wanted to hug her there and then, to tell her to cheer up, say its ok, ask her to stop crying, but I did not have the courage to do so, and all I did was to put my hand on her neck as if I was massaging her. Then when she heard an emo song and went out to cry, i felt totally useless, not being able to take care of her. That was when I knew, some part of me was beginning to love her already. Ronald had a chat with her, while I just went into a slump, and just felt like drinking all of a sudden. And i did the unexpected. I started smoking. I nvr smoked and promised myself I never would, but i did it there and then, because I was just depressed over the fact that she cried. I wished she didnt, but she still did. Later part, I found out from Ronald that she was emo-ing over TT, not Eric, which was quite the expected cause we always tot the 2 of them were too close as frens, but I always knew TT din like her. Anyway, it still hurts when she emo-ed. There was a part of the night which I felt stunned too, when TT was trying to take care of her but she kept asking for me to come and take care of her. TT took my arms and put it ard her, and said "Nah, Kenneth come le. He take care of you ok ? You want him to take care of you right ?" or something like that. I felt stunned. But in the end, I got wasted, and puked a hell lot. I guess Ash also gt angry I was drunk and Andy was chatting up the waitresses with TT, and she stormed home herself. It was only later when Andy told me that I felt bad.
Tdy, after wrk, I wanted to go out with Ash, but at the same point of time, I was still feeling a bit emo frm last night. And Ash kept thinking tat I was emo-ing over Pz. So far only Fabius has the true story tat I'm interested in Ash, while others just keep teasing me but have no concrete evidence. Still, in the end TT went out with us to eat Ice cream too. It was fun, but maybe its just me, that I always feel that she wants to go out with TT more den with me. Anyway, I guess I'll just not get into it yet, cause I dun wan to spoil the frenship for all of us yet, and I guess I'm not her kind of guy either. I guess I'll just overlook her and care for her in a hidden manner bah. When conversation comes to her though, I have this thing to suan her, because I don't want to help her so much and make it so obvious, but sometimes I feel when I wan to care for her I cant do it too obvious too. Haha.. dunno la.
Anyway as of now, I'll just live my life as it is, and move on...
